Obviously I haven’t been writing much lately. We lost Simba the big fat Kitty in November, and I kept putting off writing about that. Now I just don’t have the energy to do it. I miss my cat. I’ve had a fat, male orange tabby cat since 1986. First Chester, then Simba. And for a little while we had both of them. We still have an orange tabby, but she’s a she, and she has issues…definitely a different personality type from the boy orange kitties. I want another male orange tabby cat, please. I know it’s stupid. We already have two cats, two dogs and a horse, and I keep saying “no more animals”. But I miss him terribly and I want him back, or another one like him. At the very least, I wish I’d had the chance to say goodbye to him before he left.

Speaking of stupid things, I did one recently. Sent a friend request to someone on FB that I haven’t talked to in, oh, thirty-five years maybe? It wasn’t stupid because of the number of years that have passed since we communicated last; there are other people from that time in my life that I’ve reconnected with recently and it’s fun to catch up on how our lives turned out, finding out how we’ve changed, how we’ve remained the same, how much we still have in common, or not.

But this one was different. This person really mattered to me during a time in my life when the number of people I could count as true friends was extremely small, and I was in the process of moving away and losing those friends. At the time I thought I was losing them forever. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case with a couple of them (you know who you are.) The night before we moved there was an end-of-the-year party at school, and I spent that evening with him. So, sort of on a dare, I gathered up my courage, what little of it there was, wrote a nice little note, and hit the ‘send’ button.

And nothing happened.

“Is it too much to hope that somewhere inside she knows she matters?”

I guess it depends on who she matters to, doesn’t it?


5 responses to “Lost

  1. piss on Kyle!

    And you do matter. To me.

    FB is so funny in some ways — who responds and who doesn’t. I’ve got “friends” on a list called “unknown” because gosh darned I have no idea who they are! But I go ahead and friend them. Because the other choice is to be Annette and have 3 friends (just exaggerating a little Annette). And I can’t figure out any strategy in the middle of those two — yes, I’ll friend you but not you — somehow I can’t do that.

    Anyway. You have information now that you didn’t have before.

  2. This sounds like a question I would ask. And this question, when I ask it, is actually me asking myself if I matter to myself and if not, then why not. Reinforcement from outside is very, very helpful, but the question is directed inward.

    You matter. You must know in there that you matter. It’s good to tell yourself this. Often. Yes, piss on Kyle.

    And Nisi, I have a whopping 15 Facebook friends now! And not one of them is someone I see on a regular basis and only one of them even lives in the same town. And no, I’m not hurt or mad, I’m just sassin’ back and laughing at my ways along with ya.

  3. Exactly! Piss on Kyle! Also note that his brain may be too pickled to remember what he had for breakfast (if he had breakfasst) then what his life may or may not have contained when he was under 21. Anyway, these things do happen, you know. Best not to make anything up about it.

    Also, keep in mind we’re in the middle of the dark days. Take everything you feel with a grain of salt. Maybe even an entire salt lick. Or go stick your tongue on a salt lick. I swear to God you will not be able to think of anything else for at least a couple of days.

  4. Please don’t ask me why I know that. Or how old I was when I found out.

    • I know all about salt licks from playing in my grandparents’ barn when I was little.

      And I am taking everything a bit too seriously right now, not sure why other than feeling like fibro-crap. But the days are officially getting longer now.

      So there.

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