things I believe

Been thinking about the difference between “respect” and “tolerance”. I think this quote from wikipedia (the “real” Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe) sums it up pretty well:

Respect should not be confused with tolerance, since tolerance doesn’t necessarily imply any positive feeling, and is compatible with contempt, which is the opposite of respect.

For example,   there have been several stories in the news about various high school graduation ceremonies that have been held in churches for years, mainly due to the large number of friends and family that want to attend the ceremony, but there are no facilities available  large enough to accommodate everyone, EXCEPT large church sanctuaries. This was true of my own son’s graduation back in 2008. According to the ACLU, if ONE person objects and threatens to sue unless an alternate facility is found, then the rights of that ONE persons outweigh the rights of the majority of those who are more interested in participating in the rite of passage of their sons and daughters, sometimes to the point of moving the ceremony to a smaller facility which accommodates a very limited number of attendees other than the graduates themselves.  The irony is that it may become necessary to for the offended party to be excluded from the very ceremony he or she objected to, due to lack of space.

Why do I care? I don’t have a child graduating from high school this year. It’s just an example. What I do care about is being respected vs. being tolerated. You may disagree with me, and I may disagree with you. If I tolerate your opinion on a particular issue, I listen, smile and say “That’s nice” and then walk away thinking to myself, “What a stupid way to think.” If I respect your opinion, my reaction should be, “I may not understand your opinion, but I respect your insight.”, with the hope that you, whoever you are, can respond in kind.

A few years back, we gave the youth at our church an assignment: “This I believe.” They wrote about their faith. They also wrote about the merits of chocolate vs. vanilla (or vice versa), Led Zeppelin vs. Pink Floyd, etc. You get the picture.

I’ve been quiet about a lot of issues recently because I know that what I believe on most of them are politically incorrect, and those of us who hold to any sort of politically incorrect opinion on anything are considered by the “enlightened” to be “knuckle-dragging morons.” That is not respect for a differing opinion, neither is it tolerance. It is the “politics of personal destruction.” It’s easier to say to someone with whom you disagree, “You are an idiot.” than it is to say “I disagree with you because…..” or “I respect your experience; here’s mine.”

Having said all that, here are some things that have been on my mind recently that I’ve kept quiet about, because I know what the response to what I have to say will not be popular. I’ve never been popular, so why start now, right? So…

This I Believe:

The death of Osama Bin Laden: The Americans who heard the news of OBL’s death and celebrated weren’t celebrating the death of an innocent man, or the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians, as were the Muslims celebrating in the streets on 9/11. They were celebrating the death of a mass murderer. I’m OK with that.

Capital punishment vs. abortion: I believe that these two issues are not incompatible because, again, there is a difference between ultimate punishment for an ultimate crime and the taking of innocent life. As I’ve mentioned before, I used to be pro-abortion, until I had a premature baby that could have been legally aborted. That would not have been a decision on what I could or could not do with my body; it would have been a decision on what I could or could not have done with HER body.

Faith: Everyone has faith in something, whether they want to admit it or not. Even an atheist has faith….faith that when he sits down in a chair, that chair will support his weight, unless prior experience has proven that the chair is unable to support his weight. Hopefully he learned something from the experience and won’t make the same mistake twice. Faith is a belief in something “unseen”, but it is also the ability to believe in something “unseen” because prior experience of what has been “seen” lends credence to what may yet be unseen, or not yet experienced. If you kick a dog enough, that dog develops faith that you will indeed kick him again. And that faith will lead to changed behavior: that dog isn’t going to keep coming to you when you call him because, chances are, he’s going to get kicked and he knows it.

Sarah Palin: Why do feminists HATE this woman, passionately? I grew up in the 70′s. Remember this commercial: “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan…and never once let you forget you’re a man!” or whatever. We girls had it drummed into us that we could do whatever a man could do. Feminists fought for the right to have a career, a family, grab the brass ring. You may disagree with her politics, but as a woman, she has ably manifested a career and a family and is very unapologetic about it. She also chose to bring a special needs child into the world. She had the right to abort that child, but she didn’t. Is that why she is so hated, because she respected her child’s right to exist?

Israel: Does this country not have the right to exist? They are surrounded by people who don’t just want their land; they want the people of Israel DEAD. When other countries, including our own BTW, continually allow or even aid the PLO, Hamas, etc. to attempt to dismantle Israel piecemeal,  isn’t this the equivalent of condoning the Holocaust all over again?

Chocolate vs. vanilla: not open for discussion. Chocolate.

Led Zeppelin vs. Pink Floyd: Rachmaninoff

Citizen Zane vs. Casablanca: yes.

Scariest movie ever: A Face in the Crowd, followed closely by Citizen Kane.

So…..end rant. Have a blessed day, and if the word “blessed” offends you, define what “blessed” means for you and embrace it. I know what it means for me.

P.S. Proof that I do have a sense of humor. Plus, my daddy loved this little ditty, and the Muppets.

P.P.S…those of us raised in the South were taught, “If you can’t say something nice, then say nothing at all.” I don’t necessarily agree with that, but if all you have to say is that I’m a knuckle-dragging moron, then thanks, I already know that.

facing reality

They say that the traits that annoy you the most in others are the ones you posses within yourself. The trick is to recognize and deal with them.

A friend acknowledged a couple of things about herself recently that, I have to admit, hit home in a couple of different  ways. First, I had been on the receiving end of  what she had confessed about herself, and at the time did not confront or question her actions or my response to them. A couple of years back I wrote something called “The Invisible Woman”. I wrote for a couple of reasons. One was because I was in Cielo, where women are considered to be the lowest of the low, except for Haitian ex-patriots living in the area. The other was because, for most of my life, I have felt invisible in many ways. So when I didn’t say anything at that time I was able to justify it to myself by internalizing: “Hey, I’m invisible. I’m used to not being listened to or actively engaged in conversation.” And life went on, as it usually does.

The thing is, when I read what she had said about herself, the reality hit home for me: I do the same thing to other people, especially Wubby. He’s been screaming at me for months, “You don’t really listen when I talk to you.” and he was right. So, with a great deal of tears and apprehension, I apologized to him for being the person he had been trying to tell me I was. He talked, and I listened. I talked, and he listened.

The timing could not have been better, something I like to call a “God Thing”. Because 36 hours later Wubby’s world was rocked to the core, and we were able to talk about it, really talk, and Wubby and I both will come out of this as better people. The mama grizzly in me does want to seek out and destroy that which has so completely devastated him, but that wouldn’t help anyone. There’s enough pain to go around already.

Good grief but growing up is a damned hard thing to do, and it takes a lifetime.

a song for Wubby

Lyrics “The Sound of My Voice”
by Jon Heintz

Seems so far away,
And then it seems so close to me,
and the future’s right here in the air and it’s clearer,
Maybe than it’s supposed to be,
Than it’s supposed to be.

And it seems so hard to take,
When the question is what’s wrong with me,
Cause I’m looking myself in the eye in the mirror,
And maybe I am wondering,
Maybe I’m wondering…

If I follow the sound of my voice,
And I live in a world of my choice,
Then when I’m old if I’m lucky,
And the years have gone by…
I can look back and smile.

‘Cause all we have is what we have to give away,
And all we need is to feel it all come back one day…

But it seems so far away,
Like a vision in some kind of dream,
Where I’m looking myself in the eye in the mirror,
And maybe I am wondering,
Maybe I’m wondering…

If I follow the sound of my voice,
And I live in a world of my choice,
Then when I’m old and I’m ugly,
And the world’s passed me by,
Will I look back and cry?
If I follow the sound of my voice,
And I live in a world of my choice,
Then when I’m old if I’m lucky,
And the years have gone by…
I can look back and smile.

My so-called life

Wasn’t that a movie or something? Doesn’t really matter….

Where to start: I was thinking about taking down this blog, mainly because most of what I have to say about the state of the world right now is EXTREMELY politically incorrect, and while I stick by my opinions I’m really not in the mood to piss anyone off. Life is interesting enough.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I got a “comment awaiting approval” message, which means it a. isn’t spam, and b. isn’t from someone this blog recognizes. So I checked it out. Hans, you’re PhD dissertation topic and title are freakin’ AWESOME, and best of luck to you.

Yes, I watched the big wedding with my Anglophile daughter, live at o’dark-thirty in the morning. It was refreshing to see something, anything, positive on the tube for a change. The thing that struck me hardest was the music. Oh, how I miss music….GOOD music. The choral anthem by John Rutter, “This is the Day”, was amazing. I had forgotten how beautiful his music is, simultaneously medieval and modern. I’ll leave a sample for you.

Just finished up a 5 credit hour Anatomy and Physiology class. It was hard, and I loved it. Didn’t really realize how consuming it had been until today, first day post-class that I had no place to be and nothing pressing to do. I crashed, and crashed hard. At any rate, now when I watch “Bones” I understand the medical squint-speak. I’m such a geek.

Wubby has been pushing and shoving his way out of the nest, which really wasn’t necessary because he’s been free to go. He made a rather unfortunate mistake that is keeping him from leaving until all debts are paid in full to all injured parties. Bless his little heart, he needs to sprout wings, and pronto. Funny, I went back and read my last post. When I got to the quoted part my first thought was, “Where did I copy that from? I can’t remember…”. Then I remembered, I wrote that. Duh! I really miss my brain.

My anglophile baby girl went to school dressed as….a GIRL today. She cleans up nicely, and is coming into her own. She’s developed quite a wanderlust, which surprises the heck out of me since, a year ago, she wouldn’t accept a gift week to adventure camp 2 hours away because she was “afraid she’d get homesick.” Now she wants to travel Europe w/ a backpack. I like this girl.

For some reason that I can’t put my finger on, I feel like I’m losing my best friend and I don’t know why. I know exactly what that feels like, because I lived through it several times, to the point where I quit trying to make friends because I didn’t want the pain of leaving them behind as would invariably happen. Maybe it’s the “facing the reality of being 50″.

Then again, maybe not. Maybe it’s nothing. I’m hyper-sensitive to everything right now, physical, mental and spiritual.

Anyway, here’s the John Rutter I promised. The lyrics are a prayer from the “Sarum Book of Hours, 1514″:

God be in my head and in my understanding.

God be in my eyes and in my looking.

God be in my mouth and in my speaking.

God be in my heart and in my thinking.

God be at my end and at my departing.